Kid’s Letters to God - (True Story)

Dear God,
In Sunday School, they told us what You do.  Who does it when You are on vacation? - Jane 

Dear God,
Did You really mean “do unto others as they do unto you?”  Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother. - Darla

Dear God,
I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday - Margaret

Dear God,
I read the Bible.  What does “begat” mean? Nobody will tell me. - Love Allison

Dear God,
Are you really invisible or is that a trick? - Lucy

Dear God,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? - Norma

Dear God,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? - Neil

Dear God,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God?  I thought You had everything - Jane 

Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy - Joyce

Dear God,
Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest? - Tom

Dear God,
If we come back as something - please don’t let me be like Jennifer because I hate her - Dennis

Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms.  It works with my brother - Larry

Dear God,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over - Sam

 Dear God,
I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world.  There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it - Nan

Dear God,
If you watch me in Church Sunday. I’ll show you my new shoes - Mickey

Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light.  But in school they said You did it .  So, I bet he stole your idea - Sincerely, Donna

Bible Study Test Answers from Students

The first book of the Bible is Guinesses, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.

The Jews had trouble throughout their history with unsympathethic Genitals.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients.

Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments.

The seventh commandment is “Thou shalt not admit adultery”.

Joshua let the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol

David fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines

Jesus was born because Mary had immaculate contraption

The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibles.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles

One of the opposums was St. Mathew

Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

A Christian should have only one wife.  This is called monotony.

Funny Church Signs

No God - No Peace.  Know God - Know Peace.

Free trip to Heaven.  Details inside!

Try our Sundays.  They are better than McDonalds or Baskin-Robbins

Searching for a new look?  Have your faith lifted here!

People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are!

God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.

Come in and pray today.  Beat the Christmas rush!

Sign broken.  Message inside this Sunday.

Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily

How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-Smoking?

Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives

Come work for the Lord.  The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low.  But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin

If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns

If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again

Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon

Forbidden fruit creates many jams

This is ch- -ch.  What is missing (UR) 

In the dark? Follow the Son

Running low on faith?  Stop in for a fill-up

If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep.  Talk to the Shepherd.

Jesus Saves

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer.  This had been going on for days and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.  God said, “Cool it.  I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job”.  So down they sat at the keyboards and typed away.  They moused away.

They did spreadsheets

They wrote reports.

They sent faxes

They sent out e-mails

They sent out e-mails with attachments

They downloaded

They did some genealogy reports

They made cards

They did every known job

But just a few minutes before the two hours were up, lightning flashed across the sky.  The thunder rolled and the rains came down hard.  And of course the electricity went off.

Satan was upset.  He fumed and fussed and he ranted and raved, all to no avail.  The electricity stayed off.  But after a bit, the rains stopped and the electricity came back on.

Satan screamed, “I lost it all when the power went off.  What am I going to do?  What happened to Jesus’ work?”

Jesus just sat and smiled.  Again Satan asked about the work that Jesus had done.  As Jesus turned his computer back on the screen, it glowed and when he pushed “print”, it was all there.

“How did he do it?  Satan asked.

God smiled and said “Jesus Saves.”